January 2011
9 posts
taxes
Me: hey mike, can u make a WP plugin that'll do my taxes
Mike *Jesus H. Christ* Miles: federal or state?
Me: ooo i get an option
Me: nice
Mike *Jesus H. Christ* Miles: I'll call it, the "audit_guaranteed" plugin
Me: beautiful
monocle
Johnny Idaho: i guess you get to help me with [CLIENT REDACTED] tomorrow?
Me: yes that is my accursed fate
Me: doomed at last to [CLIENT REDACTED] HTML hell
Me: the lowest rung of Dante's inferno
Me: right below [CLIENT REDACTED]'s maw of death
Johnny Idaho: ok basically what we need is we have an area where the content is overlapping. i think for the top section you just need to set it to expand instead of have a set height. shouldn't be too horrible.
Me: yes i'm sure it's easy but i like to complain
Me: it keeps my hate organ happy
Me: i grew a hate organ in my early twenties
Me: its red colored and has a fiery personality
Me: my hate organ and I often go on vacation together
Me: we have had many adventures
Johnny Idaho: are u sure you don't just mean you met a fiery red head with quite a temper?
Me: no i'm pretty sure it's my hate organ, i would notice an attractive redhead, especially if she were not the vicious cylon i see out of the corners of my eyes all the time
Johnny Idaho: I've told you, that's no cylon, it's just Norman, and u need spectacles.
Me: or a monocle
Johnny Idaho: that would only solve half your problem.
Me: but I'd be fashionable
Johnny Idaho: it's 2011 not 1911
Me: oops
cacti
Me: can i also have a pony please
Ministress of Tasks: no you may not
Me: we can share the pony
Me: you can eat it afterwards
Ministress of Tasks: after what?
Me: after i make it my friend
Me: my short-lived friend
Me: in my apartment i have bought cacti and i have given them names, and they are my dinner guests on weekends
Me: i take them out of my display case and put them on my coffee table and have extended intellectual conversations with them
Me: their names are sir charles duboir, michael sontag, winnifred mccallay, alfred winstead and jones mcleary
Ministress of Tasks: and, do they respond?
Me: always
Ministress of Tasks: i really wonder how you come up with this stuff
Ministress of Tasks: it baffles me
Me: its easy because it's all true ministress
Me: i really am crazy
Ministress of Tasks: i am realizing this
alien pregnancy
Ministress of Tasks: slave
Me: greetings ministress
Me: i was speaking to one of your wee overlords, julie
Me: whose secret name is Jules Verne
Ministress of Tasks: i was unaware of that
Ministress of Tasks: i just wanted to warn you
Ministress of Tasks: that you may not become involved with anything to do with propogating that picture across the interwebs
Ministress of Tasks: and if you do
Ministress of Tasks: i will be displeased
Me: do you mean your alien pregnancy
Ministress of Tasks: yes
Me: have no fear ministress, your name may never be tarnished by its hideous birth
Ministress of Tasks: thank you
Me: the creature, which has ravaged all of south boston, has descended into the abyssal depths of the harbor
Me: and sleeps until the Old Ones will return to the earth
Me: and crush the human race.
Ministress of Tasks: good
Ministress of Tasks: that is all
Ministress of Tasks: return to your labors
they're all fired
Me: oh oh Dr. Katz said i may get an intern
Ministress of Tasks: no you may not
Me: HER NAME IS [REDACTED]
Me: she'll replace all my imaginary ones
Me: they're all fired!
Ministress of Tasks: why would you do that
Me: ill keep my imaginary secretary though
Ministress of Tasks: why is her name [REDACTED]
Ministress of Tasks: i dislike that name
Me: because that is the name her human parents gave her
Me: in human cultures, they don't get to choose their names
Me: unlike you, who emerged from a hellish abyss and chose your name from the entrails of the first lifeform you drained to death
Me: aren't humans feeble and unpleasant
Me: like mice?
Ministress of Tasks: strange customs this earth has
Ministress of Tasks: we should change her name
Ministress of Tasks: can we do that?
Me: perhaps but it may involve lobotomizing her
Me: and that may reduce her effectiveness as an intern
Me: it's like when you chopped off my left arm that one time
Me: i couldn't type as fast
Ministress of Tasks: but then you grew that octopus arm
Ministress of Tasks: which make you 10 times faster
Ministress of Tasks: so, in the end, everything worked out
Me: oh i never thought about it that way, my mutant octopus arm hates me so much I forget all the good things it has done for me
Ministress of Tasks: it's made you serve me better... which is the goal of your entire life, so that's really all that matters
Me: exactly
hot evil willow
Johnny Idaho: Jr. Whopper no cheese.
[AWAY: Now taking your special requests.]
Me: i grant this wish to your alternate self in an alternate universe
Johnny Idaho: OH! i gotcha! http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Same_Time,_Same_Place
Me: exactly
Me: that or the episode with hot evil willow
Johnny Idaho: why are u differentiating hot willow, from evil willow? hot willow is continuous.
Me: this is true, but evil willow is hotter than normal willow
where the guns are
From: Jane Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 9:40 AM To: dev Subject: fruity mochi
—-
Hi there, I brought some fruity mocha (strawberry flavor) from the Chinese market. They are on the table where the guns are.
- Jane
hellspawn
Me: did your hellspawn burst free and murder everyone in the south end, ministress?
Ministress of Tasks: yes, it did
Ministress of Tasks: feel free to take over any home
Ministress of Tasks: as they are all deserted
Ministress of Tasks: you may have to clean away copious amounts of blood and internal organs
Me: joyous
Me: i assume you allowed it to roam free?
Me: on the countrysides of New Hampshire
Ministress of Tasks: I actually like New Hampshire
Ministress of Tasks: so i actually sent it to Cape Cod
Ministress of Tasks: i dislike Cape Codders
Ministress of Tasks: the drink AND the people
Me: Cape Cod is a treacherous and maleficent land
Me: full of old rich women
Ministress of Tasks: yes
Ministress of Tasks: who are delicious to devour
Ministress of Tasks: that is why i sent her there
Me: i am quite happy there is another terrifying beast of your caliber free to terrorize the mortals
Ministress of Tasks: as am i
Ministress of Tasks: as i focus on this small universe
Ministress of Tasks: my spawn is taking over the rest of the world
