April 2011
9 posts
spy network
- Me: Mr. Leone, because I hate being filmed myself and as it is my moral imperative, I must advise you of our spy network
- Me: do not turn around
- Me: but
- Me: there is a spy camera on the desk behind
- Me: it is near that black cardboard thing
- Me: that has papers on it
- Leone: ok....
- Leone: i thank you for the warning
- Leone: however
- Leone: i can't help but wonder if this is an elaborate work of double cross
- Me: i understand your fears
- Me: so
- Me: i will prove my loyalty
- Me: do something that only I could see if I were spying on you actively
- Leone: ok
- Me: you raised both hands
- Leone: what hand signal did i make though?
- Me: hmm the camera is too blurry to see your fingers
- Me: but Kat just passed by
- Leone: well good enough
- Leone: you pass
- Me: you are in grave danger
- Me: i advise that you walk toward the 5th floor door, then approach the camera from behind, then you can at last defeat our spy network and use it for good
- Leone: ok i'm debating if i want to just casually knock it down or turn it to face a nice sign that let's the espionage ring know that the "jig is up"
- Leone: i should go for the more subtle one i'm thinking
- Me: do what you must my friend, justice shall be had!
- Me: you could even set up your own spy network
- Me: teaming up with Rob
- Leone: that's a good idea to team with Rob, i'll let him know after i dismantle the surveillance network
- Me: yes, revenge is a dish best served digital
- Me: also, i must never be revealed as the informant
- Me: or they will kill me
- Me: with nerf guns
- Leone: your secret is much appreciated and safe with me
- Me: thank you kindly
brain worms
On 4/25/2011 11:49 AM, Brittany the Sith Apprentice wrote:
another idea for the [CLIENT CONDIMENT REDACTED] editorial doc:
What bizarre places you bring [CLIENT CONDIMENT REDACTED] to? (Hollywood Walk of Fame, Mount Rushmore, etc). I had this in my notes from a client call haha.
Brittany the Sith Apprentice
Evil Digital Marketing Company
- - -
On 4/25/2011 12:01 AM, DQ wrote:
Hi Brittany the Sith Apprentice,
I died tragically in a fire and will be out of the office with limited access to email on Monday, April 25 until forever. Sadly this means I cannot write lies for condiment companies, as I am dead and my skull is crawling with brain worms. I will respond to your message as soon as I am able (i.e., never).
Thank you,
DQ
- - -
On 4/25/2011 12:19 PM, Brittany the Sith Apprentice wrote:
Hahahahaha. I’ll write the copy for your tombstone. Or mausoleum. Or urn.
Brittany the Sith Apprentice
Evil Digital Marketing Company
- - -
On 4/25/2011 12:42 PM, DQ wrote:
yes, in fact I plan to have half of my body cremated and shot into space so that one day benevolent aliens can resurrect me to serve as their human god, and the other half (the good half) buried underneath one of those giant heads like on Easter Island except the head will be shaped like one of those strawberry-filled koala bears:
DQ
—-
On 4/25/2011 1:27 PM, Brittany the Sith Apprentice wrote:
DQ.
Big Bang – 2011.
Beloved developer. Hater of Condiments.
He saved the world.
From [CLIENT REDACTED].
Brittany the Sith Apprentice
Evil Digital Marketing Company
katie
- Me: ministress may we hire a troupe of performing artists to greet us every morning with dance
- Ministress of Tasks: no
- Ministress of Tasks: we may not
- Me: what about a pygmy elephant? they are small and we could ride them around the office
- Ministress of Tasks: that is not a bad idea, do they have trunks?
- Me: yes little ones
- Ministress of Tasks: what do they eat
- Me: everything
- Ministress of Tasks: hm
- Ministress of Tasks: yes
- Ministress of Tasks: you may get a pygmy elephant, with my blessing
- Me: YAY
- Ministress of Tasks: what will you name it
- Me: i will name it...
- Ministress of Tasks: (NOT KATIE)
- Me: what if i spelled it differently
- Me: like Kaytie or Kahtie or K-T
- Ministress of Tasks: no
- Ministress of Tasks: you may name it anything but Katie
- Ministress of Tasks: spelled in any way
- Me: alas, I will name it Katherine Argusto Thomas Ignacio Everett
- Ministress of Tasks: no
- Ministress of Tasks: katherine = katie
- Ministress of Tasks: you may keep the rest of the names
- Me: How about Kristoff
- Ministress of Tasks: is it a girl or boy?
- Me: a boy
- Ministress of Tasks: is it a russian elephant?
- Me: it can be!
- Ministress of Tasks: can it climb Alps?
- Me: yes, if i strike fear into its heart
- Ministress of Tasks: my presence alone will handle that
- Ministress of Tasks: Kristoff is a noble name
- Ministress of Tasks: you may also make him a velvet cape
- Ministress of Tasks: and line it with ermine and rubies
- Ministress of Tasks: please bill that to any of Joe Gallagher's projects
- Me: YAY K.A.T.I.E. is now a caped member of our family!
- Ministress of Tasks: DAMN YOU!
spores
- Ministress of Tasks: slave
- Me: yes unspeakable one
- Ministress of Tasks: there are rumors on the chalkboard on the 5th floor
- Ministress of Tasks: that i reproduce by spores
- Ministress of Tasks: who originated these rumors
- Me: why ministress, it is part of a reverse propaganda campaign
- Me: would you like me to explain
- Ministress of Tasks: yes, i would
- Me: you see the surest and most effective form of propaganda is the truth disguised as a lie
- Me: what follows logically is this
- Me: if we seed the truth in plain view, people will mistake it for a lie, and then the truth will be forgotten
- Me: allowing your takeover of the human race by spores completely unstoppable!
- Ministress of Tasks: so
- Ministress of Tasks: i see
- Ministress of Tasks: once again you are working only for my good
- Ministress of Tasks: well done slave
- Me: absolutely ministress, that's why i exist
