February 2012
31 posts
not high enough for death
Idaho: how is it up on the 5th floor?
Me: same as always idaho
Me: just high enough for defenestration
Me: but not high enough for death
Dear Coke Talk: On a real man. →
dearcoketalk:
In your last post, you mentioned men “drinking rye whiskey cocktails like they were some kind of Don Draper starter kit.” I laughed, and it reminded me of a recent conversation I had. The guy informed me that “real men only drink beer.” Coke Talk, where do people get such ideas? I told him that…
it will just take 26,848 hours
——————— From: Me To: J.G. the White Cc: Amandrine Garcon Subject: RE: Contact Form
It will take 4 hours, provided whatever hosting server we end up putting it on doesn’t have stupid-flavored email.
Me
————————————— From: J.G. the White To: Me Cc: Amandrine Garcon Subject: RE:...
I take pleasure in rejecting your time.
——-Original Message——- From: Projector OPS [mailto:noreplies@projectorpsa.com] Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 10:30 AM To: Me Subject: You have rejected time for the week of 5-Feb-2012
Dear Slave,
Caitlin has rejected one or more time cards that you have submitted for the week of 5-Feb-2012 for the following reason:
please bill to 2012 Maintenance- General Site...
it makes my eyes bleed
Ministress of Tasks: slave
Me: Eternal Creator of My Woes Unfathomable?
Ministress of Tasks: we must discuss Perri's departure
Ministress of Tasks: and the status of your tasks
Me: NO! not that, anything but that ministress
Me: i cant bear it
Ministress of Tasks: you must
Ministress of Tasks: please cry while we do it
Ministress of Tasks: it will be beautiful
Me: her departure shrivels my black heart into shreds of dust
Ministress of Tasks: stop lying, you no longer have a heart!
Ministress of Tasks: i ripped that from you eons ago
Me: thats true...
Me: maybe i was speaking metaphorically
Me: would you like me to visit you in your chamber of terror?
Ministress of Tasks: yes
Ministress of Tasks: you may approach.
Me: may i come armed for my protection?
Ministress of Tasks: no
Me: okay
Ministress of Tasks: and do not look me in the eyes
Me: i try not to, it makes my eyes bleed
KNEEL TO ME, FEEBLE HUMANITY
Me: ministress
Ministress: slave
Me: i have a new ingenious plan for your rulership
Me: do you wish to learn of it
Ministress: of course
Me: [REDACTED] FOR PUBLIC OFFICE, DECEMBER 2012
Me: i will make campaign flyers
Me: and you will have slogans
Me: like KNEEL TO ME, FEEBLE HUMANITY
Ministress: i think that is a genius idea
Me: does it redeem my perri ineptitudes
Ministress: no, not at all
Me: sigh, what if I got perri a helicopter for her going away party
Me: ministress you have a brother?!
Me: i thought that our unnameable lord and master only made females
Ministress: i do have a brother
Me: is he smaller and less frightening in demeanor than you and your sisters, like praying mantis males
Ministress: no, he is actually quite large and terrifying as well
Me: you continue to awe and shock ministress
Me: every day
Garrett shaved his beard
Spacecat Eric: Garrett shaved!
Spacecat Eric: did you see
Me: NOOOOOO
Spacecat Eric: no longer Riker
Spacecat Eric: sorry
Me: that means our episodes are going to suck
Me: from now on
Spacecat Eric: yes
Me: yuck it's like when tasha yar showed up
Me: that blonde slut
Anonymous asked: I want to design a Wordpress site. Where should I begin? Love, Lady Island.
Anonymous asked: Have you ever used Adobe Muse? Love, Lady Island.
Anonymous asked: What is the difference between a google font and the web version of a regular font, e.g. futura web font? Love, Lady Island.
forever sharp guillotines
Me: ministress
Ministress of Tasks: slave
Me: this morning, i stuck my arm into my aquarium to search for my fish named Katie
Me: because i hadnt seen her for a long time
Me: but she was in fact alive
Ministress of Tasks: that's a shame
Ministress of Tasks: i would have welcomed your tears of sorrow
Me: Katie wanted to say hello because she's a big fan
Me: she tried to bite me when my fingers got close
Ministress of Tasks: i approve of this Katie
Me: can we name the new office manager Katie even if her name isn't Katie
Ministress of Tasks: no
Me: i thought i might ask just in case you got tired and assented out of weariness
Ministress of Tasks: never
Me: yes then i remembered that you never tire, kind of like one of those forever sharp guillotines
Minitress of Tasks: exactly like one of those
On Sincerity, or Letters to Andrew Rohman,...
What is the equal to treachery, that act so complete in its sincerity that the bard Dante, in his Romantic wisdom, consigned the greatest traitors in history—Judas Ischariot, Marcus Junius Brutus, and Gaius Cassius Longinus—to the lowest circle of Hell, beneath the frozen river Cocytus in the very maw of Satan to be chewed on for all eternity?
Why, my dear Andrew Rohman, it is that one act which...
On Sincerity, or Letters to Andrew Rohman,...
We are talking about betrayal, Andrew Rohman. Not deceit; not wickedness of a general kind, no, but unadulterated, calculated malice, the expert assassination of trust in the pursuit of personal gain. For in betrayal there is sincerity in its purest form, nothing less than premeditated evil, the perversion of loyalty and the cockroach of dispensation wriggling through an otherwise uncorrupt dish...