wumpuses

Nov 05

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Me: UGH I HATE THE WORD PARADIGMS
Me: if i hear someone up here use it one more time ill strangle them to death with my own hands
Johnny Idaho: better yet, strangle them to death with their own hands!
Me: YES
Me: I LIKE YOUR THINKING IDAHO
Johnny Idaho: just invert the death by strangling paradigm
Me: goddamn!@!!@

Chili Cookoff Vegetarian Protest

Results of the Chili Cookoff Contest, courtesy of our resident vegetarian, M. Randa

Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): hello slave
Me: ministress!
Me: what a terrifying surprise
Me: so thoroughly have you shattered my sanity with your unexpected arrival that I will trapeze through the month of october in a daze of stupefaction
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): as well you should
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): i have heard that we are approaching your birthday
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): is this true?
Me: it is so, the date of my manufacture
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): are you planning some sort of celebration
Me: I plan to sit in a circle of bloodied rocks at the summit of a mountaintop after spending three excruciating weeks fasting whilst I wait for the vision of our Unnameable Lord and Master to impart upon me forsaken and unspeakable wisdoms

Me: ministress now that I have your email, I can send you picures of cats all day
Me: by the catload
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): haha
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): if you must
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): then i shall punish you with millions of cat scratches
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): in proportion to your level of spam
Me: I find that fair and equitable
Ministress of Tasks (since deposed): i don't care what you find fair
Me: And that fact, Ministress, makes me feel at home in the cruel, unfeeling world

Me: ugh i just got an email from the mean girl i'm trying to make go away
Me: people have said just ignore her, but i refuse to do that
Me: it's so cowardly...
Me: OH I KNOW! I'LL HAVE YOU KILL HER!
Me: gosh how could i forget when I have a roving FEMBOT at my fingertips?
OX: I WILL USE LENS FLARES
Me: YES
OX: it wasn't obvious to her that you weren't interested?
Me: I KNOW, i don't contact her or anything...
Me: i ignored her texts
OX: and that is quite gentlemanly of you to not ignore her to her face
OX: /not being cowardly
OX: can't you just say - hey, I don't think we get a long that great
OX: or hey, I just think you're strange
OX: or hey, I just hated being with you
OX: you know, any of those will suffice ;)!
Me: maybe: "I'm not quite sure why you want to keep seeing me, seeing as how I'd rather drown my head in a bucket than endure your pretentious yammering."
Me: or perhaps: "I'd rather have my front teeth pulled out by a tractor than sit through another dinner while words come out of your mouth."
OX: oh yes, I love yours so much more
OX: the truth is often painful
OX: people would rather go through life with their heads bubbled up with lies
Me: or stuffed up their butts

I realize I am far saner than I thought.

“You should never go on a blind date to a cemetery. That has naive written all over it.” — Jake Rainis

Captain Planet: http://www.retronaut.co/2012/07/siberian-bear-hunting-armour-c-1800s/
Captain Planet: that's actually a sanzone hunting suit
Me: WANT

this is what dating is like

This is how I feel.