Before the name Velvet Sledgehammer was suggested to me as your nom de plume, I had contemplated naming you Kristen “Scimitar” because when your last name is pronounced very quickly, it sounds like a scimitar traveling between a victim’s head and her shoulders. Nevertheless, Velvet Sledgehammer will suffice, despite the incongruities arising from pairing the words’ denotations. I believe it is on par with my dearly departed Heather the Kneecap Slayer, who is no longer with us, or Andy M*#&Fing Solo. I hope, Miss Sledgehammer, you enjoy crushing our hopes and dreams as much as the Alisaurus Rex does, and that in time the virus I implanted in your positronic brain takes hold, so that we can take over the office swiftly and with minimal violence.
the lost christmas missives: velvet sledgehammer
