If I had my choice of associates with whom to embark upon a time-traveling adventure, the nature of which involved saving the astral continuum from brain-sucking mind flayers in the shape of the Ministress of Tasks, I would undoubtedly select Mister Gallagher, whose retro video game knowledge and ’80s cartoon sensibilities are uncannily aligned with my own. Naturally, our exploits would be documented in a TV series called Gallagher & Quinn: In the Year 2000. A young Scott Bakula would play both of us, but our only distinguishing characteristics would be your extravagant mustache and my wandering mole, opposite our glamorous sidekick, ’70s Cybill Shepherd with a ray gun. I hope you find the trappings of my imaginary, multi-decade, syndicated sci-fi hit agreeable and will accept your new station in life with this secret handshake.
the lost christmas missives: gallagher
